1.  Let me see if I have understood you
2.  This is what I would like you to understand about me
3.  Can we do that interaction over again? I wasn’t happy with how it ended and I hope we can do better.
4.  Oh…leave it at that
5.  When you…I feel…because…so what I would like is….
6.  I’d like to know more about your life experience that makes that
7.  Be connected to my soul, and your soul (how do we do that?)
8.  No, thank-you
9.  Could it be you didn’t hear me?
10.  I feel differently…
11.  I see it differently…
12.  Oh….(wait to see what arises while discerning how you feel and what you want to do next)
13.  I’m uncomfortable…I need to stop now
14.  Silence – not resisting, but lovingly stopping
15.  Bidding my time…not sure I understood you…space to feel
16.  That’s interesting…here’s another way to see it
17.  I’m ready now… you’re welcome if you…
18.  Repeating my question, request, viewpoint
19.  You have a right to your opinion and I have a right to mine
20.  Whose problem is this? What are the consequences for me?
21.  I’m sorry I can’t do that. Can we consider another alternative?
22.  I think I understand… I’d like to tell you my side of the experience
23.  Welcoming my imperfections instead of doing a shame attack
24.  “I’d really like this…” (ask for what I want)
25.  Breathe deep and stick it out – tolerate anxiety
26.  Reverse the I-Message: “So when that happens, you feel…because you hoped for…and you’d like me to..”
27.  “I don’t understand why this is happening…I want to understand. Can you tell me more about your life experience that makes this so important? Focus on what need is being met by their choices, not the choice itself.
28.  Acknowledge when we have an agenda for another person.
29.  Letting go of results…holding your power.
30.  Now is not a good time and I would like to do it __. Make a bridge to the other person. Exercise CHOICE!
31.  Take a one-down position: “You may be right, and I …or I may be wrong, and this is what I would like”
32.  Be curious – I need more information
33.  Become a safe person for the other by not engaging in their problems with roadblocks, just listen
34.  Not reacting when the other is upset with us; be accepting that they are owning a problem (our feelings change to non-acceptance if an attack ensues and we need to defend our ground)
35.  Refuse to be a victim – trust the skills, and do not be overwhelmed by your emotions
36.  “That doesn’t work for me.”
37.  Ask for help! “Can you help me understand how what you are doing will meet both of our needs?”
38.  “I matter” sooner rather than later in the interaction.
39.  When anger rises up in you or the other person, identify the fear and the longing underneath and respond to those instead of the anger.
40.  “It’s just a little trouble” – conflict does not have to be a big deal, just a search for understanding
41.  Anticipate and plan how to bring up conflict
42.  Use a signal word to interrupt habits we want to change (best if pre-arranged with agreement to use)